Excited and anxious about back to school? So is your child.

Back-to-school is a lot of things at once. It's new supplies and a fresh start. It's also the Sunday scaries, the lunch table nobody wants to sit at alone, and the homework that turns into a two-hour standoff every night. It's exciting and exhausting. Hopeful and hard.

For most families, that's just the reality of this time of year. For your kids and you.

But for some kids and teens, back to school doesn't just bring the usual adjustment jitters. New routines, new classrooms, new social dynamics, and a full academic calendar have a way of bringing existing concerns into focus fast. For some, it’s more than first-day jitters, it’s back-to-school anxiety.

The good news: August and September are the best times of year to get ahead of these issues. Here's what to watch for, how to prep your child and some childhood anxiety treatment options if something doesn't feel right.

The Sunday scaries aren't just for adults

For kids and teens, anxiety doesn't always show up as words. It shows up in the body first. Watch for:

• Stomachaches or headaches that disappear by Saturday morning

• Clinginess at drop-off after a whole summer of independence

• Sleep getting wonky, like a later bedtime, earlier waking, asking to sleep in your bed

• "What if" questions on a loop

• A child who loved school last year suddenly hiding under the covers on Sunday night

In children, anxiety frequently manifests as physical symptoms before it's named, and back to school is one of the most common triggers.

Here's what can help:

1. Validate before you reassure. "That makes sense. Starting back school can be a lot" lands better than "you'll be fine, don't worry."

2. Build predictability. For an anxious child, morning routines, bedtime routines and afterschool routines can provide comfort. The brain calms when it knows what's coming.

3. Support, don't accommodate. Staying home, skipping the bus, leaving early provides short-term relief but can quietly feed the anxiety over time.

4. Swap reassurance for confidence. Instead of "you’ve got this," try: "This is hard, and I know you can handle hard things. Remember when you did ___?"

5. Praise the brave behavior, not the outcome. Showing up is the win. Reinforce the doing, not the perfecting.

Try this: Before the first day, sit with them and ask: "What are you most excited about? What are you most nervous about?" Let both answers exist without rushing to fix the second one.

If social anxiety at school feels bigger than usual this year, or if anxiety has been a pattern before, that's worth paying attention to before school starts.

When "fine" is the only word you're getting

For teens, "how was your day?" is practically an invitation to say "fine" and move on. When that becomes the pattern, not just one quiet night, but weeks of it, it's easy to write off as a phase. But going quieter is one of the most common ways teen depression shows up.

There's a difference between a child who's busy and a child who's disappearing into themselves. That’s why it’s important to keep opening the door to deeper conversation. It can help you understand what’s going on.

Here are some mini-scripts that can help open the door:

• Instead of "How was your day?" try: "What was the most interesting part of today?"

• Instead of "Are you okay?" try: "You've seemed quieter this week. I'm not trying to pry. What's on your mind?"

• Instead of "Talk to me!" try: "I'll be in the kitchen for the next hour if you want to hang out."

And beware of these sayings that as parents we often find ourselves using that can close the door, even when we mean well:

• "When I was your age..."

• "You have so much to be grateful for."

• "You're being dramatic."

Research shows that invalidating responses make teens less likely to come back to a parent the next time they're struggling.

The friendship part is often the hardest part

Once kids hit middle school, peer relationships become their primary social world, sometimes more central than family for a few years. That means friendship strain hits harder than we expect.

Sometimes you hear it directly: "Nobody texts back." "I sat alone at lunch again." And sometimes you don't hear anything about social anxiety at school at all.

Here are a few common triggers your child may experience this time of year:

• A new school or the jump from middle to high school

• A best friend who found a new friend over the summer

• Group chats that moved without them

• Joining a new team or activity where everyone already knows each other

Friendship struggles at this age are normal — but normal doesn't mean easy. For some kids, this is the hardest part of school. And it can quietly affect everything else: their confidence, their motivation, even how they feel about going in the morning.

What you can do is help your child understand what they control:

• How they show up

• Who they reach toward

• What they do after a hard moment

• Initiating a conversation instead of waiting

And you can help them understand what they can't control:

• Other kids' choices

• Who sits where

• Group chat dynamics

• Classroom assignments

That’s the perspective worth teaching: "You can't control who chooses you. You can control who you choose." 

Helping your child name what's outside their control isn't giving up. It's one of the most useful things they can learn because it frees up energy for the parts they actually can change.

The homework fight that never ends

"I'm tired of being the homework police." If that's a sentence you've said out loud this year, you're not alone.

For neurodivergent kids especially, those with ADHD, autism, or learning differences, homework resistance isn’t laziness. It's usually because:

• The brain can't shift gears from something enjoyable to something hard

• Distractions hit harder and the reward feels too far away to matter

• The task looks impossibly big with no clear starting point

• Years of "I can't do this" stacked on top of each other

Here's a framework that works for a lot of families:

1. Set the sequence. Pick two or three daily responsibilities. When those are done, fun unlocks — screens, snacks, plans with friends. Same time, same order, every day.

2. Prompt once. One reminder at the agreed-upon time. Not ten.

3. Monitor from a distance. Glance, don't hover. Staying on top of your child teaches them you don't trust them to do it.

4. Praise the process, not just the product. "You sat down at 4:30 like we planned" is more powerful than "good job."

5. Let the reward be the reward. They earned it. Don't move the goalposts.

Try this: This week, instead of "did you do your homework?", try: "What's the plan for tonight?" It shifts the ownership to them and the conversation from interrogation to collaboration.

But if you've already tried all of that — the structure, the rewards, the patience — and it still isn't landing, that's not a parenting failure. That's a signal your child may need more support than a better system at home can provide. It could be helpful to look into other childhood anxiety treatment options.